Emotional Roller Coaster

This post was typed over a period of time.. showing the emotional roller coaster which i went tru. Its First part's BLUE cuz i was feeling all down n blue.. 2nd part's in green, cuz i felt sick.. disgusted and sick, third's in RED, cuz im fuming and really angry... Next was brown.. cuz i was simmering down already thinking tru things.. and cooling it.. Last part's PURPLE! my fave col (for now).. cuz all's well and im okae.. hehe

oh... do note the parts in ORANGE. and detect the irony! hah


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Im so disturbed now.. I cant seem to get Al anywhere!! =(

He slept at bout 8am SG time, and i didnt wana disturb his "beauty" sleep. Hence i refrained from sms-ing him, incase he gets disturbed by the constant beeping sound. When i finally sms-ed him at 3pm, there was no reply... Wasnt expecting to reply.. but i had a gut feel that he hasnt even read the msg.

Called his SG line, and Germany home line, Germany Mobile line. All off!
Went home.. tried again.. and again and yet again... But still off!!! My last resort... was to sms both his Germany Home and Mobile number, hoping that he at least know that im missing him, and at the same time worried bout him... so he can just switch on his hp and id know that he's FINE...

No doubt he's far away in Germany, i always felt that we were still "connected" internet/mobile etc.. Im really troubled now. cuz it seems like ive "lost touch" of him.. He's supposed to go out with his friend today.. Or has he already left, and just forgot 2 turn on his hp? Or reception problem? phone problem? batt low?? I hate waiting for people without nowing where they are or wat they're doing.. or if they're even safe and alive! i am so so so so worried... and upset!

Oh god.. please dont let anything happen to him... please please please...



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Many Moments later

He replied my SMS. he's safe.. PheWww.. forgot to give me another number of his... RIGHT!!! now that he's safe... ......

ITS MY TURN TO GET MAD!!!
walao ehhh !!! to think i was worried bout him for so long! feel stupid. shallnt worry in future! hmph!! I shld have expected such occurence since he's So far away. Im feeling the distance already. ugh.

sick feeling in my gut!! think its cuz i was overly worried..
Al's a big boy man!

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After calling him...

He's Fine... he's prolly walkin around having fun n all while I WAS being so worried here.
He apologized as he has too many numbers and he overlooked it. Point taken, apology accpeted.

But Aparently, i dont the he got the picture. Imagine if u've got a girlfriend.. in a faaarrr away land, and you know she's unfamiliar with the place, tho she's goin out with a friend.. and all of a sudden u cant get her at ANY number... u keep trying and trying.. u simply CANT get tru. U've got no idea what's happening.. or if she's safe, or raped or having fun or what...

HOW WOULD U FEEL!

I was just worried mahhhh.
Small matter u say?? right. how but I go missing for some time then?? Al cant see me online, cant get tru my mobile, no sms reply blah blah blah. Lets see how he feels then.

Damn it. i should i even be worried and so concerned?? I shld just hack it and do my own stuff dont worry bout him, dont care bout him, as tho im leading a single life, and dont give a damn and worry bout other ppl, and start taking care of myself!

I cant and i dont want to cuz i love him, and with love comes concern. He knows im angry after the brief. and he didnt even msg me to ask if im ok or stuff like that. Should i msg him? or shld i ignore him? Wait, angry's a wrong word... More like anxious, and agitated.. yeah.. He knows im agitated... Guess he didnt sms n all cuz he's out with his friend lar.

I shall refrain from saying more stuff which may hurt both him and myself.. it sounds nonsensical! Silence is indeed golden. Having second thoughts bout him... He may not be what he portrays himself to be. He may not be what i think he is...

baHhh.. i still love him. Just dont wish to talk to him now... nor tonight.. nor tomorrow.. nor the day after... and the day after after. *whines* (sigh... at least until i simmer down. Which is in no time lar...)

Perhaps if he has a taste of wat he feels like.. den he'd understand why i got so agitated. He said it as tho i was at fault to be agitated... In normal circumstances.. who wouldnt! Alright, u wana try it?? Den lets do it. **Irritated**

right.. i sms-ed him earlier and he didnt reply. whatever lar. i dont care. Just wasted my idd bills for nothing. only to make myself feel worst. I rather i felt worried all along. than feel "THIS" (whatever im feelin now)... I havent had bfast nor lunch... and i dont even have the appetite for dinner. im feeling so so so sick...

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He replied, asking me not to be so agitated, and that he's sorry... DOES HE EVEN KNOW WHY IM AGITATED??? This feelings were from my pent up worry.... He doesnt know why no no no he doesnt.. he said he didnt do it on purpose (giving me this number), but its not bout that! does he even understand!? i dont think so man...

Then he askes me not 2 b upset as he's preparing a suprise for me... gosh.. then val "chui" already... i lost. My determination stands until now only... Rem when i said i wont talk to him now, later, tomorrow, the day after and the day after after? yeah. My anger so over within afew mins. *tsk* useless.

He said hope id say "I love u" to him as well the next time i talk to him/see him... i will not will not not not not so not! I am not gona sms him nor say anything. NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT Not at all!! (lets see how far my determination lasts this time) sigh... im a softie lar.. always say say only.. end up, afew mins later.. also forget how mad i was already.. sigh. i know myself.. Im a person of no peseverence/determination, my temper may be bad, but it blows over in like.. 2 mins?? and when im in a bad mood, break down area of my behaviour are as follows:

Real shouting/ argument: 2%,
Crying: 28%
Ignoring: 5%
Pouting: 30%
Whining 35%

see, ive got a temprement of a golden retriever. hah!!
Ok ok ok... im feeling all better already... Been trained by exs.... ive got an "auto-heal" function.. hahaa i dont need ppl to cheer me up when im down or anything... cuz i would automatically feel betta after which. why? cuz there's no point in waiting 4 guys 2 cheer u up when u're down or even if they're at fault. they prolly never would. Fat hope. However.... i think al's an exception. i think he would. Just that he isnt around now. So benefit of doubt! =)

**i looovee u hon** no matter how agitated u make me


P/S: think he msged me immediately after the phone call, i didnt recieve it.... hence, sent him a very "cool" sms... only to see his original sms, and another sms sayin he'd talk to me tonight... argh... im a gonner. how can!!! so soft at heart!!! i shld at least b "pissed" till tomorrow... but it isnt his fault mah.. so why am i pissed? right!? =D its always a virtue to be understanding. Guys would always love their gf to be understanding.... I always jump 2 conclusions.. but im rational too lar... =) (ok im gona sms him now... sayin i love him and im ok lar..) WALAO!!!! just MINS ago i said i wont sms him!!! hahhaa

think tis post is kinda interesting... shows many emotions within a short timeframe.