Thank you god for bringing Al into my life...

I cant give enough thanks.. Really! I call him at least once or twice a day, despite knowing the extorbitant rates... not saying this to make al appreciative or guilty or whatsoever.. Im saying this because i am WILLING to do all this! sometimes the feeling and the need to speak to him is so intense.. that im willing to top up 10 Euros into skype and speak to him.

Before bed at night, id b wishing he was right here by my side.. tucking me into bed... When i wake up in the morning.. its saddening to know that he wasnt by my side and he's so far away. When i have supper or eat nice food, id want him to taste it too!Now this is madness. i know... The feeling's so sickly sweet tho! hahaha....

my Silly boy Al's worried that id leave him and not make it for the trip. he's afraid that i wont even make it THERE, nor survive this few months while he's so far away... and i'd prolly be with some other guy.

ME on the other hand.. im more worried bout our relationship when we get back to SG... now till the trip, ive got 101% confidence. (dont wory hon) Its the "back in SG" part that im scared. think that our relationship would turn stale when we're back. i mean.. he's gotten all the support from me while he's all alone in germany.. now that he's back, he has other ppl around him and most likely need me less... the only feeling he's gona have for me is gratitude and im just a companion to him =( just like in all other relationships... sigh.. Im scared this would happen...... and also, .. he'd realize im not as fun or nice, or good looking or slim or this or that.. blah blah blah... Me and my insecurities. in simple terms, just not good enough for him, and not as good as he thought i would be..... in SHORTER terms.... not perfect in HIS eyes...

Im just gona enjoy every moment.. from now till the time i see him.... our time in germany... and when we get back... he can re-evaluate our relationship if he wants... Im staying put.

Its bout 8 plus in the evening back there in germany... Just ended a close to 1 hr call with Al... wish i could talk more tho.. i really do miss him.... and i love him with whatever love ive got left in me... I just wana be with him... till the time comes.. he decides that we shouldnt go on.. or WE decide that we're happier without each other.....

Till the time comes... im gona cherish and treasure this boyfriend of mine.. like no other.. =)