the Day OF awakening...

first of all.. can i say.. in all my honesty... i think any guy who has val as their gf.. is prob the most blessed guy in the whole of this universe... and for this moment.. and i hope this moment will last forever.. that guy is me... i m blessed with such a wonderful person in val.. these 10days in Germany has not been easy to deal wif.. but it became livible because of her.. she has been the woman behind my back all the while.. a cornerstone tat is needed in every firm building foundation... and for tat i love her deeply.. the words she used to encourage me during this period were strong affirming words.. and i thank God every moment for it.. yesterday.. alvin and his big mouth finally caused the first screw up of our r/s... it was my fault... not becos i m resigning to it.. but i purely understand y it was mine... val or rather no one has ever reach to such depths of my vulnerablility before... someone she did... she made me see myself in a different light.. in other words.. i was humbled... and at first i didnt like tt.. and my temper snapped and i raised my voice.. tat night i teared... water streamed freely down as i recalled back how this sweetie pie has freely tell me everthing.. while i, cos of my proudness and ego... didnt exactly did the same thing... she know i was like tat.. and she loved me still.. and again i thk God for that... i was sad man.. i tot this time.. i might just lose val already... the night wasnt easy to pass.. i just sat there.. just too disappointed and hurt.. deep inside.. a voice was toking... and for the first time i was afraid to lose val... "cannot" cried out inside me, "cannot, i cannot lose her".... i fell asleep no knowing how and i dreamt.... i was in a painting shop... and there i was.. looking for val.. amidst of many art pieces i saw a angmoh lady.. there i ask her.. "do u know val is?" she said no but val left me a msg on one of the painting and it said... "al , will u always love me no matter wat".. i literally cried out.. yes yes..... where are u val.. come back.... come back... then thats when i woke out of the dream...to a cold heart reality.. where i know all is not well still.
i know the dream seems so surreal but trust me.. it was real at the point of time... as i prepared to come to work today.. i keep looking at my watch and phone.. hopeing val would drop me a msg.. my heart was heavy.. still so worried.. everything seemed wrg train was slow... at all... then sudenly a msg pop in... wow.. it was val.. when i read the word wifey.. it was as if a veil lifted over me.. and i felt close to val again.. val i m so so so so regretful and sorry.... i really appreciated all that u done.. esp yes when u stay up all the way.. i know u were tired but i just cant bared to let u go offline... i miss u val.. even now, later, tomolo....... really wish u were here..... i love u very very very much even more after all these... theres no longer ures or mine... its all ours now ya.. i will opened my heart to u.. and accept that sometimes i just gotta let my wifey take care of me.. i will provide for her definitely but she too can take control as long as she wants too.. i hope u have forgiven me sweetie.. today will be different day... and i love u from the depth of my heart........ thks for lovin me too val... u are the sweetest thing to happen to me......:)