P/S (Green's for ENVY)

Its wayyy past bed time considering the fact tt ive gota get up in time for morning classes. Just a short entry before i head 2 bed. Hopefully id get nicer/sweeter/better dreams this time round. Was finding ways and means 2 call Al in a "cheaper" way. Quite impossible tho. Sigh. Its either he gets a fixed line, get internet connection, or i get more $$. WHICH is quite impossible at this point of time. Applying for MORE OTs already. In hope that my September's pay doesnt suffer a heavy pay cut.

Ohhh... I tell u.. Al saw this pretty German girl today. Ok, THAT german girl aside... I think that there're lots of pretty girls in Germany... **ArGhh** Die la die lar... howwww... im worried. =( NEVER TRUST a lonely guy in a foreign land... this Mr Alvin Kang in germany.. BUT he's a cute and handsome n fit guy.. all alone in Germany.. feeling cold n lonely... With temptations all around!!! ahhhhh!!!!! Die liao lar i tell u... He might ask me not to waste $$ to book the flight to germany already! ok. Im getting a lil silly here i know.. Al's thinking im a silly bimb now.. i know!! hahaha.. but i cant help feeling a wee bit jeaous when there's pretty girls over THERE at his side, definately more to come, and im like so sillily lonely here with no one around. not even a handsome guy! *sigh* val dont feel good larrrrrrrr.... know he wont "run" with other girls. but there's always tis possibility mahhhh... 0.1% also %!!!

He's gona say im rattling nonsense again! hahaha yeahh.. i think i am too! But honestly, This guy's really commited in this relationship, and for that im extremely happy!! Feel like im a lil girl goin over the moon at times, when he says the sweet and reassuring words, writes these horribly terribly sweet n lovey dovey blog entries... i just feel soooooo In Love all over again hahahahaa..

Okies.. ive gota b nicer to him from now on! im not ill treating him now.. but i think im capable of giving him MORRREEE of my love! How?? i dont know.. He's gotta tell me what he wants me to do! cuz im not sure what he really wants in a girlfriend... he's gotta guide me along.. i intend 2 get the best gf award.. presented by my Al... =)

Im proud to be al's gal... val's al's gal. wah. rhymes in a cheesy way. hah. Bimbs.. oh no.. the more al mention, the more im starting to feel that im abit to the bimbo side... gosh. crossing over to the land of no return... Noooooooooooooooo. I feel honoured to be this guy's girlfriend i tell u... so proud.. full of pride :D.. gona shower him with love, hugs, hot kisses etc etc *which is up 2 ur imagination*, and bring him out.. show him 2 my friends family loved ones... AND i know he'd do the same too! =)

Good nite.. gona dream of Al now.. this supposedly short entry turned out qutie long.




arent bimbs suppose to act this way!?!?!
oh... Kidin lar hon... im not that petty! hahaha :P

(If green's for envy, then Red's for love and passion....)
to sum it all. I wana tell you that i love you hon.
It grows in a weird way.. i never knew love could grow when 2 ppl dont spend time face to face with one another.. i never knew it could blossom when we're so far appart. Now i know its all possible.. And its only possible with you.

Val is my gf!!

Alright sweetie.. i m finally connected again.. wah so happy to be tokin to val everyday.. she just makes me feel like te most happiest person in the world.. and lets dont listen to watever she say about the fear she has tat i will put her aside when we come back to sg.. cos that would never happen.. more ppl.. esp my closer frends know tt she is the most important person in my life and prob wouldnt dare to pry me away from her... and all those ppl out there forget it... i will only have my undivided.. full .. attention on my "divalicious and sometimes bimbotic" val.. haha everday i have new names to add onto wat i have already given to val... i tell u.. she is such a precious babe to me... and i love her to bits.... hmm val all i wanna say is i will be with u know matter wat... i really cant wait for the times we are gonna spend together and i m so so so so so sorry u gotta pay so much just to tok to me.. and i wanna make it up to u somehow... some how.. anyway u want it k.. maybe if u want more coke or something.. haha i will get it.. hurr.. ok?

oh i really got to say she is also a great great assurer.. cos she is always assuring me that shes gonna be here for me.. and i love it.. cos i feel so lurrrrved knowing she is always here for me.. and she must know tat i feel the same way too..

I LOVE u,............ babe... and without further to do... *try to imagine a bit* k hmm i m a front guitar singer now and my lebanese friend.. peruvian friend as well as my iranian and idian friend backing me up in the backgrd with their respective intruments.. i m singing u this song......

Grow Old With You

I wanna make u smile, whenever ure´re sad

Carry u ard, when ure arthritis is bad

All i wanna do is

Grow old with u.

I will get u medicine

when ure tunny aches

build u a fire

when the furnace breaks

it would be so nice to grow old with u

i will miss u

i will kiss u

give u my coat when u are cold

need u

feed u

even let u hold the remote control

let me do the dishes

in our kitchen sink

put u to bed

when ure have had too much to drink

i could be the man who

grows old with you

i wanna grow old with you...

I love u babe...

hope u like this song sweetie...

:)

Thank you god for bringing Al into my life...

I cant give enough thanks.. Really! I call him at least once or twice a day, despite knowing the extorbitant rates... not saying this to make al appreciative or guilty or whatsoever.. Im saying this because i am WILLING to do all this! sometimes the feeling and the need to speak to him is so intense.. that im willing to top up 10 Euros into skype and speak to him.

Before bed at night, id b wishing he was right here by my side.. tucking me into bed... When i wake up in the morning.. its saddening to know that he wasnt by my side and he's so far away. When i have supper or eat nice food, id want him to taste it too!Now this is madness. i know... The feeling's so sickly sweet tho! hahaha....

my Silly boy Al's worried that id leave him and not make it for the trip. he's afraid that i wont even make it THERE, nor survive this few months while he's so far away... and i'd prolly be with some other guy.

ME on the other hand.. im more worried bout our relationship when we get back to SG... now till the trip, ive got 101% confidence. (dont wory hon) Its the "back in SG" part that im scared. think that our relationship would turn stale when we're back. i mean.. he's gotten all the support from me while he's all alone in germany.. now that he's back, he has other ppl around him and most likely need me less... the only feeling he's gona have for me is gratitude and im just a companion to him =( just like in all other relationships... sigh.. Im scared this would happen...... and also, .. he'd realize im not as fun or nice, or good looking or slim or this or that.. blah blah blah... Me and my insecurities. in simple terms, just not good enough for him, and not as good as he thought i would be..... in SHORTER terms.... not perfect in HIS eyes...

Im just gona enjoy every moment.. from now till the time i see him.... our time in germany... and when we get back... he can re-evaluate our relationship if he wants... Im staying put.

Its bout 8 plus in the evening back there in germany... Just ended a close to 1 hr call with Al... wish i could talk more tho.. i really do miss him.... and i love him with whatever love ive got left in me... I just wana be with him... till the time comes.. he decides that we shouldnt go on.. or WE decide that we're happier without each other.....

Till the time comes... im gona cherish and treasure this boyfriend of mine.. like no other.. =)

Its 4.16pm in SG... 10.16am in Germany...
Miss him already...

Wonder what's al doin now... Cant call him that's for sure. too broke to do so. Ugh.. Maybe later at night. Doubt he'd get internet connection today, so.. im left with blogging and tts bout it. Short one for now... Gotta head for work soon...

Feel really unproductive these days. dont seem to have the "mood" to do any school work... all i want to do... is catch al online... talk 2 him.. see how's his day.. gosh. this is really detrimental... i need 2 FOCUS!!! FOOOCCCUUUSSS!!! but al's too much of a distraction (in a good way of cuz)

Love ya Hon.. =) Hope u're doin fine there...

Guilty as Charged

I made Al upset last night.... No wish to go into details as to why he's upset or what i did that made him upset. Maybe he'd blog about it... But in short its over. Nope... not that WE're over... but the unhappy and upsetting feelings tt were present last night.

Guess id just have to be more sensitive in future. And not let some small stuff blow out of proportion. its just so "female" and "me" to do so.. ugh. hate myself. It made Al feel insecure... disappointed.. and everything else. Sigh.. Its time i cast silly thoughts and doubts aside. This love's just starting to blossom... i know that.

Words al said struck my heart... Girls love nice sweet flower words.... Girls who get sick of em.. look for action. When action aint present... We tend to feel doubtful. However, i forgot that not all words are of pretense. There's REAL words too... Al's words... are real... =) i feel it... and most importantly, i believe it.

When he's so far away... Ive gotta be his pillar of strength, and not burden.
Im sorry hon... Things would be betta yea??
And i love u... and thank you for the things you've done.

Just a beautiful song to a beautiful you..

L is for the way u look at me.... O is for the only one i see.... V is very very extraordinary... E is even more then anyone tat u adore..... Love is all that i can give to u.. Love is more just a game for two.... two in love can make it.. take my heart and pls dun break it.. love was made for me and you....

I wana dedicate this song by frank sinatra to the woman i love.... hope she will like it...
i m gonna say this again... i m so blessed to have her.. be it how many times she tells me that it is the other way ard.. but it sure is not... i feel so warmt to know she is constantly thinking about wat will i be doin and is always concern things will go not so well for me.. but thks to God.. everthing is goin well and she will be glad to know too... u know guys she has been stayin up late all this while..risking her health and that bakzam in her eyes.. gosh i m really worried for her too.. i wanna her to have a normal life.. do her h/w and work efficiently and all...

Thnaks for everthing val.. thks for willing to spend such exorbitant phone bills just to tok to me.. dun worry k.. i will finda solution to this and from now i will pay for the time u tok to me k....

My val is such a sweet gal... and i dun think i can say this enuf.. i m the luckiest most blessed guy in the universe haha... i will cherish u val.. so so much.......

A shot of us

Al likes this shot. but i think i look kinda bad in here =) nevertheless... HERE'S to us!!! that's AL and yeah. his VAL! =) He look so cheeky! oh.. Al's in TEENS's aug edition. i bought the whole silly mag for a small round face of his. nt sure if he even uses the product! hah.. No idea why i was so addicted to the mag when i was much younger. its er.... "not Quite my style."

Im tired. Off 2 bed. Al's like not replying me online.... not even sure he knows tt he's ONLINE. sigh. =(

Gona b a cold n lonely night. i hate the nights alone!!! Without being able 2 tell a special someone Goodnight and i love him.. =( bahHhhh

Al... my All..

Al's buying goceries. Hope he didnt get too ambitious and purchase 20 KG worth of stuff again. Or got really unlucky n got drenched in the rain or some tragedy of the sort. =( Wish i could call him now and ask him how's his grocery shopping, or if he's back home, or if dinner's fine etc.. BUT i C-A-Nottt! because my phone bills are really chalking up. ugh. My bills come out on the 1st of every month and its gona be the 1st soonn oh gosh!! Id b contented if i could call him once a day. But its just so hard to hang up on someone whom you miss so much!! When he's back in SG, im not gona take the time we talk on the phone forgranted. Gona treasure every CENT of it

Ohh.. and i think Al's being really expressive these days... Haha... He's was already expressive for a guy. He just got MORE expressive?? haha.. Isnt that better!? If there's a Drink to describe guy's "Words" in general.. it'll be tequilla Shots!! Lethal for sure.. very intoxicating.. gives you the sudden high and blood rush... but things will will fade... you plunge down from wayyy up... only to suffer from a terrible hangover the next day. So... Alcohol very much sums up what i think of a guy's words.

Ive became immuned to those "flowery" words. They dont impress me very much. And ive got a tendency to avoid them or pass it off with some crude remarks! hah... However... some words go past the ears, and straight down into the heart. Just like Al's words.

The things he type be it in msn or blogging... i "feel" it as tho he's right beside me. As tho he was saying them right before me. For once.. i feel as tho im not being taken in for a ride! haha. Im trusting again. Feel as tho ive got my "life" back... Just by being with him.. i feel alive!!! =) now all i need... is to manage my finances and time well enough. Its in god's hands. Praise the lord for giving me Al... my boyfriend... a partner... a soulmate... a best friend... a lover... a confidant... a teacher. in short. My All.

I m Just thankful...

Last night, i got stranded on the mrt... haha.. impossible right.. but here in Germany.. things can happen suddenly all the time... i was üretty shocked.. but was glad to be able to reach home before 9... hurrr. I was so hungry man.... and unlike sg where i can just find a hawker to eat... here in Germany.. i gotta cook myself or prepare to high price.. darn... but like i said i was glad to be able to get back to my place... but all this ordeals allowed me to discover something... i have the best and the most caring gf in the world.. i felt so warmth and tot i was living out of a fairy tale story... buts its real... val.. my vivalicious val.. called me as usual and heard that i was down and out and got so worried tat she actually sobbed.. oh gosh.. my heart was crushed... i mean.. who in the world would do that for me... i could hear every sob as she puts down the phone.. andi just wanted to be rite beside her that instance and hug her so tight and tell her everything is ok.. i m alright.. i can tke care of myself.. u dun have to be worried.. i m even able to take care of u.. trust me..

That instance... it struck me... she dun have to say she love me... i can already feel it so much from her voice, her expression and all... and that instance onwards.. i love her more than my life... i promise to give the best to this gal who despite of circumstances.. gave me her heart.. or shld i say.. trust me with her heart... i will cherish it greatly val.. and i promised i will always be a happy prisoner in ure heart.. give me the key also i wont escape.. even if the door is open,, i will just stay in ure heart... my wifey... the mext few months might be trying.. but at the end of it.. know that i will stand wif u.. hand to hand.. hee lips to lips and walk down everwhere together.. be it in sg or germany. my heart is always and will only be wif u....... i love u!

Im with you..

I feel down when you're Down....
Feel sad when u're sad
Worried when u miss the train or cooked a bad meal
Dejected when u're Depressed
Upset when u're lonely...

Why?? Because there's nothing I can do to make things better
All i do is promise things wont be the way it is now when im with you..
Assurance is all i can give for now...

But how about now!? How are you gona cope?? Who's gona my darling better and brighten his day and mk sure he's happy!? Wish things were within my control... If im tired i can sleep.. if im broke i can work.. at least i can do something. Al.... i cant do anything to make you feel better... argh...

Luckily... i know u can take care of urself.. its just during a particular moment where u're feelin low... that i feel bad.

In short... im getting more n more attached to this honey of mine.... who calls me wifey! =) He's worried that id leave.... not a chance man!!! Not a chance at all... i mean... till he decides he wants to!? low chance!! hahahaa

Love ya Darl... waiting for u to come online.... waiting 4 my germany trip.... waiting for the day... =)

so so proud of val..

wat a beautiful day it is! haha... i felt like i m back in sg haha... y?? cos i manged to have quite a substantial phone conversation with my vivalicious, divalicious and valalicious val.. haha... i tell u ppl... skype is just about the most wunderbar coummunication tool ever created... i felt right beside her when i called her.. and i was happy to just accompany her "vocally" to town.. hurr..today is her off day and i m happy for her that she can have a day of relaxation finally.. i m so concern and worried that she might overwork herself just cos of the german trip.. i feel so indebted to her tat she have to work so hard just to come over here to accompany her.. such a sacrifical person ya.. and i love her for that... im glad she is havin some "life" back as in to go do her hair and visit er fave shoppin place.. hurr.. i m happy she drop by num to say hi to my pal, Frank.. haha.. hope he is doin well man.. wish i could be there to help out wif the stocks haha... but most importantly i wanna say i feel funnily happy that my dear val is at num tho i m not there.. as in she got to hear things about me from ppl.. like oh how i m an eye candy to some gals.. not!!.. haha its flattered to hear tat but i only thank God for blessin me with watever attributes i have... but aside from all this.. i agree with wat val said.. watever it is.. its really none of our concern cos.. i m wif her.. and i m only for her to be eye candy of haha.. i love u val.. pls be assured.. these gals can say all they want but.. all i wanna do is to show them i have a wonderful gf and i love her... and i will only have eyes for her.. so... sorry ppls.. val is my one and only..

hmm ok.. i m also very warmth by the fact val went to nm to try to get me something.. haha even if theres no size.. its ok!! val.. i dun need the present.. its the tot that counts.. i m touched by ure gesture already hhurr.. i m glad u feel priceless when frank tell ppl u are my gf.. i m gonna give him a pat for sayin that.. thks frankie.. hurr.. pls do tat all the time k.. u deee man!!!

alright hmm i guess tats about wati wanan say.. bottomline its gd to know my sweetie pie val is finnaly havin a day to herself.. i feel gd for her.. to end off.. i just wanna say i love u val... hope u had a gd day... hugzzzzz.. hee

the Day OF awakening...

first of all.. can i say.. in all my honesty... i think any guy who has val as their gf.. is prob the most blessed guy in the whole of this universe... and for this moment.. and i hope this moment will last forever.. that guy is me... i m blessed with such a wonderful person in val.. these 10days in Germany has not been easy to deal wif.. but it became livible because of her.. she has been the woman behind my back all the while.. a cornerstone tat is needed in every firm building foundation... and for tat i love her deeply.. the words she used to encourage me during this period were strong affirming words.. and i thank God every moment for it.. yesterday.. alvin and his big mouth finally caused the first screw up of our r/s... it was my fault... not becos i m resigning to it.. but i purely understand y it was mine... val or rather no one has ever reach to such depths of my vulnerablility before... someone she did... she made me see myself in a different light.. in other words.. i was humbled... and at first i didnt like tt.. and my temper snapped and i raised my voice.. tat night i teared... water streamed freely down as i recalled back how this sweetie pie has freely tell me everthing.. while i, cos of my proudness and ego... didnt exactly did the same thing... she know i was like tat.. and she loved me still.. and again i thk God for that... i was sad man.. i tot this time.. i might just lose val already... the night wasnt easy to pass.. i just sat there.. just too disappointed and hurt.. deep inside.. a voice was toking... and for the first time i was afraid to lose val... "cannot" cried out inside me, "cannot, i cannot lose her".... i fell asleep no knowing how and i dreamt.... i was in a painting shop... and there i was.. looking for val.. amidst of many art pieces i saw a angmoh lady.. there i ask her.. "do u know val is?" she said no but val left me a msg on one of the painting and it said... "al , will u always love me no matter wat".. i literally cried out.. yes yes..... where are u val.. come back.... come back... then thats when i woke out of the dream...to a cold heart reality.. where i know all is not well still.
i know the dream seems so surreal but trust me.. it was real at the point of time... as i prepared to come to work today.. i keep looking at my watch and phone.. hopeing val would drop me a msg.. my heart was heavy.. still so worried.. everything seemed wrg train was slow... at all... then sudenly a msg pop in... wow.. it was val.. when i read the word wifey.. it was as if a veil lifted over me.. and i felt close to val again.. val i m so so so so regretful and sorry.... i really appreciated all that u done.. esp yes when u stay up all the way.. i know u were tired but i just cant bared to let u go offline... i miss u val.. even now, later, tomolo....... really wish u were here..... i love u very very very much even more after all these... theres no longer ures or mine... its all ours now ya.. i will opened my heart to u.. and accept that sometimes i just gotta let my wifey take care of me.. i will provide for her definitely but she too can take control as long as she wants too.. i hope u have forgiven me sweetie.. today will be different day... and i love u from the depth of my heart........ thks for lovin me too val... u are the sweetest thing to happen to me......:)

feeling so val!

Something happened earlier on. Yesterday rather. As much as i wish to blog about the most shockingly-sweet email ive ever receive... Guess this blog aint as private as it seems. Blogging shall remain semi-open for now. Till i finally decide to a password and restrict access that is.. Shall mke it a point not to blog too much bout private stuff or stuff tt arent meant for the "public" eye. hah

As unfortunate as it seems.. was in a an awfully bad mood yesterday. And! i was provoked by al. (what a time) Nahh.. im kidin. He didnt do it intentionally, and i guess sometimes choice of words are very important. He said something which didnt turn out quite right. But he didnt mean it tho =)

All of us tend to do things or say things that we dont actually mean... or rather... the intended recepient misinterprets the original meaning. I feel like ive ripped it off some communication class's handouts! hah.. in short... sometimes our intentions dont get through.. More importantly, its how the other party perceives things that counts, not what was said or meant to be said. Ive gotta watch my manerisms, and curb that sensitivity of mine at the same time make sure that al gets what i mean...

Al has been a wonderful boyfriend, constantly assuring me, popping me mails, smses, calls.. and i really do appreciate that. Immensely infact!! =) It finally feels like a 2 way street!! not too long ago........ i was taken forgranted... Now, im being treated like a princess.. I just wana love Al with all my might... without restraining myself in fear of being hurt. It feels nice to open up your heart to someone. Without being afraid that the he wont like you for what or who you really are. I feel so MYSELF. Im so VaL all of a sudden! hahahaa

and val's not a person with lots of ctrl so to speak... i blabble what's on my mind (most of the time, and appropriately, and to the right person)..... and emotionally, im quite a wreck, (cuz ive learnt my lesson not to show the weak side!?) now i dont have to!!!!!! I can just be ME! Me Me ME and MEEE!!! =)

Everyone says they're themselves... not one admits the fact that they're "fake"...
Dont lie.. comeon... we arent always "ourselves"... and i feel its perfectly fine NOT to be yourself all the time.
You've just gotta be "YOURSELF" to ppl close to your heart... I finally can open up and BE myself. gona truly be THE val..

oh... Al's shopping now... Hope he's havin a great time! =) oOooo im planning a lil gift for him... **shHhhh** hahahahaa

Its been a week..

It's been a week since Al left. At last count, ive got 22 more weeks to go. Counting the number of weeks seem less depressing than counting the days... it's like 158days less 7 days which still equates to 151 days!?!? Im positively sure 22 weeks sounds more pleasing to the ear.

We've had the pleasure and luxury of using the webcam for the past few days that im starting to treat it like a norm... 1 night without it, and i feel a lil .. hmm.. how should i put it....... Lost. Seems like i come home early with the purpose of speaking to al... seeing him online... Hearing bout his day and his life there.. not to mention whine a lil. hah..

Well.. Not everyday's a Sunday. What can i expect man... Its a Long Distance Relationship. But, No matter how far we are physically, and despite being separated by 7 hours time difference, i feel him close by. Reallllllly larrr. aint bullshitting. I feel al's presence. in my heart too. Mushy i know. But he plays a big part in setting my mood for the day, making me strive hard, and having the drive to do whatever im doing.

Its hard to carry on this lifestyle of mine. Study... Work... Study... Project... Study... Study... Work... Work... Work... u get the drift.. tis about there. but between all these mandatory and boring stuff, al brightens things up! God gives me strength... al gives me motivation.

I love you al, waiting for the time i can see you next....

till then...

hehehe..... alright m just trying to be funny today... anyway.. i received an extremely long essay from my sweetie pie val.... and i tot it was the best ever cos i learn alot about her... so to all the witness out there... haha the pose is gd for this... ahem.. to all the witnesses out there... i wana say.. val is in good hands.. honest.. i promise to treat her with the utmost respect and love her like none other... i wanna say.. i will protect(i know silat ok..) and take care of her... like a princess and never to let her feel hurt (not even her hair) in anyway.. ok i know all these are big words.. but God be my strength... help me Lord.. to honor and bless this gal so much that it overflows.... i love u babe... and thnk u for all the trust in me to share all your burdens and worries.. i wana continue to be able to qualify for this trust and love u the way u want to.... have a nice day sweetie.. when u are at work at home or at play.. know that my heart is wif u and i m thinking of u.. i cherish u greatly... (u dunno how much i do) may the force be wif u... heee... tok to u soon... :)

al's first words...

hey hey peeps... this few days has always been val's side of the story.. so yap... Thank God.. she added me so i can finally my side... so first of all.. i wanna say val... i lurvvveee u.. thnaks for being such a sweetie pie these few days and many days to come... thanks for being so supportive when i needed it most... i just like how our names sound.. al and val... wat a match.. hee.. ok me and my bhb self... i always think its like *chinese* fresh flowers on cow shit haha.. i m the cow shit of coz... a happy one... haha... anyway i think val is a great gal... sweet and wonderful and most importantly.. a lovable and bubbly cheer personality.. she is a great cooking instructor too.. wo her.. i prob be depressed with my cooking again haha.. oh well today shall be a great day.. same goes wif val.. i pray in the name of Jesus.. he will keep us together and she too shall have a great day..... alright shall leave things as such.. but in arnold's accent.. "i will be back" hee tata..

Emo Day

Some of my troubles are finally solved. Forgot that i save some $$ with mum every month. The figures seem to have grown quite substantially. Im bad at controlling my finances. I myself know that very well. On the other hand, prices of air tickets aint as low as i thought they were. Saw STA travel and thought they went at $1200 before taxes. Unfortunately, that's only if u travel in a group of 4. **sigh** The cheapest rates ive found is bout $1982 after taxes. Sigh. Thats bout another $400 worth of financing for me. Would prolly have enough after i chip in money from this month's pay. Spoke with mum, and she allowed me to withdraw $1600 from my savings.

She wanted to transfer the bank account back into my name, since all the $$ inside were saved by me every month after i get my salary... But i insisted that she keeps it under her name. Why!? cuz with the knowledge that im not broke, id prolly spend MORE $$. ugh. Speaking of which... think mum has been really nice and supportive these days. We went for lunch, she bought me a bag which she thinks suits me, but didnt even buy the bag she wanted. Gosh.. Id pop by JP tomorrow, and buy her the bag she originally wanted =) I love my family... my dad.. mum... bro... bf... =)

Kinda emotional today. Was at work, and all of a sudden i felt dull... Not the usual chirpy and crappy me. I read Al's email, and as weird as it sounds, i got depressed instead of happy. Stupid i know. Was feeling dull cuz im a lil upset with the way things are, i'm getting so reliant on the things aL say. Im like a rechargable battery, and he's the power source. When im tired, moody, had a bad day, i just wana look for my power source and recharge. It sucks when the power source happens to be in another time zone. was feeling sianz not because he wasnt around, but because of my reliance. I hate to be so emotionally dependent on someone. My ex did mention that this character of mine was very taxing on him, and he felt drained out. Hence im like tryin my utmost best to keep cool, keep in control, just basically get a grip on myself. ugh. Lucky for me... Now i can just BE MYSELF... the irrational, emotional val. Mum gave me the stern warning to be nice to aL. Asekd me not to "de chun jing chi"... and not make use of his "niceness" and step all over him... You know i never would mum!!! =) I'd love him like he's my most precious posession.

Glad aL's got internet access at his work place. His own table, own comp... =) guess he's not so deprived of internet access now. Hah. Glad he's updating his blog.. replyin mails.. keeping himself updated with his pals etc. At least it wont be too depressing for him. Foreign land w/o internet = Depression. hah.

Its gona be a hell long day for me. Lessons in the day.. Work at nite.. OT after work.. to make things worst. I even applied for OT on wednesday despite it being my rest day. ugh.. *itchy fingers* Gona go read those mails which aL sent... view his pix a lil... and im off 2 bed. =)

Nitez..

Realization day

Finally caught Al online. Had video conversations usin Skype.. Thanks to technology, i can FINALLY see him. tho he's oh so far away.

He sent me his videos, photos... and its really making me miss him MORE! and its especially worst when i maximize the video size... and his whole face is literally taking up my whole screen. Id b there touching the my screen.. lookin into his eye... as tho he was really here... Truth is, He's so far away.... But we're never far apart. cuz he's always in my heart.

Guess today's "realization" day. I saw his mail... received his phonecall... received those very touching SMS-es of his... I teared a couple of times today. Told myself not to. but guess its inevitable. Hey! im a girl man.... A very emotional one in fact.... so... Give me a break...

Really exhausted. but im gona make it a point to write something here everyday! Be it borrrrrring, Sad, Exciting, happening... ANYTHING... id try to squeeze a sentense or 2 even if im dead tired. (e.g. now) So at least when Al logs on, apart from getting mails.. he'd b able 2 read what ive written here =)

Nitez Darling. I wish i was in that small bed of urs... we'd fit just right. =)

First Ever Post by VaL

Its 1120, 15th July. Approximately the time where i last spoke to al. He's been gone for 24 hrs... and ive been doing the silly stuff ever since.

E.G
Goin for lessons after 3 hrs of sleep, swimming 24 laps nonstop in attempt to tire myself so i'd slp earlier, surfing for calling rates, sms rates, air ticket rates, creating the blog, studyin at home on a sat nite etc etc..

ITS JUST 24 HRS val!!!! and you've got 157 days to go!



p/s: tho this blog's gona b Al and Myself blog... i know it's prolly gona b mostly me bloggin bout how much i miss him. He's having probs goin online. Poor guy. prolly suffering frm net-withdrawal symptoms.